*Lady Gaga arrives in a tick. Oh wait, it’s a silicon boob? An egg? She’s incubating? Lord help us. If she comes out covered in Cadbury Creme I’ll shit my pants.

*Drake, you lookin’ fine tonight, boo. As always. And I fucking love that you brought your Mom as your date (see video below). How thoughtful and non-douchey.

*Sorry, Willow Smith but Whip My Hair didn’t change my life. But that is an amazing pop song. (Willow told Ryan Seacrest that she can tell her song is changing people’s lives during a red carpet interview.)

*Jennifer Hudson looks really pretty. The end.

*Will LL Cool J ever age? Seriously. Black don’t crack!

*Katy Perry brought her 90-year-old Grammy (Granny). I fucking love Katy Perry!!! Love how she doesn’t take herself too seriously and she’s great in concert. She entered with a Grammy and will leave with one. It’s a win/win sitch.

*Miley Cyrus’ has a major case of side boob right about now.

*Rihanna looks like she’s wearing Christmas garland. Is she? I’m confused. Where’s Rudolph? Lil’ Wayne?

*Christina nailed it. The media can suck it! They always bash Christina even though she’s incredibly talented.

*I want Ricky Martin’s outfit. He was looking hot as hell. And that Gaga performance was weird and overrated. Wasn’t feeling it at all! Why does she have to ruin a song with the bizarre hysterics? So over it.